Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
