so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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