Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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