i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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