and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
