I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
FUCK WHALES
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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