I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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