Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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