You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
...so i touched it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
