i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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