don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
