Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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