So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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