Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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