You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
