How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
