Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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