We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
