Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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