You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
