what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
