I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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