Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
