I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
