I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
