walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
