i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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