Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
