so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
