she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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