you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
