I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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