call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
