maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
