I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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