smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
