Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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