i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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