i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
