I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
