Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Alive.
So much puke
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
