There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
