Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
