Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
