I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
