You smell like stripper and shame
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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