I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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