I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
