New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
