That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
