look no pants
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
